Last Friday we went to the clinic to see our pediatrician because Isaac’s two month cough had turned ugly and he began waking several times in the night screaming.
Isaac at play land
It turned out to be pneumonia, with an ear infection and pinkeye. A prescription was made but unfortunately his symptoms got worse in the next couple days. Holding feverish Isaac at 2 a.m. and worrying whether or not to rush him to the emergency room made me realize that I have crossed over into a whole new reality, a reality of vulnerability.
As C.S. Lewis put it in his excellent book, “The Four Loves”:
a hands-on, fatherly love
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
Lil Levi
Is that why, God gave us the command to be fruitful and multiply? Is it to teach us how to love? As soon as a child enters the world, they are completely dependent on us. In order for them to survive, we must serve them. Hopefully through service, we learn to love.
“Whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant.” Mark 10:43
I knew a guy in Rome who came from a very wealthy family. He told me quite proudly that he had never had a job in his life, and would never need one as he had inherited a large fortune. He thought it would impress me and it actually had the opposite effect. I couldn’t help thinking what a poverty it was for him to have never had to work and pay his own way. I also thought how hard it would be to relate to the 99.9% who do have to work.
When I became a mom for the first time I remember how connected I felt to other moms. Now with each new stage of development there is a deepening in my appreciation for children and connection to other parents. I feel like I have entered into a greater communion with my fellow human beings. I can relate. But, like all things it has a price, like 2 a.m. wakings. But if that is the price I have to pay, then it is a small price. However out-of-control my life may seem, the fruit of this labor, the fruit of this faith, is a beautiful, blossoming love.
